Change

Youngest Face Timed me to show me the apartment he was touring with his girlfriend. They plan to move in together sometime this summer. They were excited about the stacked washer and dryer and the walk-in closet.

I am happy for them. Youngest’s girlfriend is lovely. They are both responsible—I heard her talking about working out a budget. Youngest tells me all the time how great his credit score is. He’s already contributing to the 401K his company provides.

Still . . . Aren’t they too young? They seem so young.

I didn’t feel too young at that age either. I moved across the country to a new city. I felt, for the most part, capable of handling whatever came up. (I wasn’t always. There were some tearful calls home asking for money).

I want to give them advice, but they want none of it. Youngest smiles at me indulgently when I try to tell him something I think is helpful. I want to give them household items, but they have already purchased their own. I offer some empty cardboard boxes from the garage, which they concede they might need.

Mostly I wonder what will happen to us now? Oldest and I will knock around a house that will feel too big. We are not a family who eats Sunday meals together. We don’t do traditions. How will we continue to be a family?

I ask myself this question with some sadness as I am prone to despair in the face of change.

By some miracle, it did occur to me recently to try asking the question differently, with curiosity. How will our family continue (in a wondrous tone of voice rather than an Eeyore tone of voice)? How will our connection grow and change? It’s not as though our family has not been growing and changing since my sons came into the world. I am even trying to garner some excitement.

The mental shift has been comforting. Also, I asked Youngest the other day whether there might be a dinner at his new apartment where his mom might be invited? I was assured it was already in the works and both moms would be invited. They’re so grown up!